Tips for Separated Parents

The long summer holidays are nearly over, and soon the school shoes, lunchboxes, and early mornings will be back. For children, that can feel exciting and a little nerve-wracking all at once. For separated parents, the return to school can bring extra things to think about.

Regardless of whether your children have a one week at your home and one week at the other parent’s home, or 4 days at your home and 3 days at the other parent’s home, or weekdays at one home and weekends at the other parent’s home, we know how important it is to keep children’s wellbeing at the heart of these transitions. A little planning and teamwork between parents can make the shift from summer freedom to school routines much smoother—for everyone.

Now, we’re not saying achieving this is easy, especially in the beginning when routines are new and emotions are raw. It will take a colossal effort from both of you as parents to ensure your children remain the priority. Remembering consistency, routine and effective communication is essential for good outcomes for children, even if adjusting is a challenge at first.

Tip 1: Get Routines Back on Track – Separated parents you are not alone

Summer often means later nights, slower mornings, and a more relaxed pace. As the first day back gets closer, easing children back into a regular sleep and wake-up schedule can really help.

Remember if children are moving from one home to another it is not easy. On a practical level it is tiring for children with or without backpack/suitcase/school bag in tow to move between houses. On an emotional level, even more so, as they will inevitably miss the other parent. Children will also need to adapt to the culture of the other parent’s home. If there is a stepparent or stepchildren involved this can often be more exhausting. Emotionally this can be incredibly challenging for children, regardless of age. Often adjusting or navigating the change in homes can be minimised by separated parents, not intentionally, but to help children feel at ease, parents can downplay the emotional impact of these changes.

If your child moves between homes, try to keep routines similar—this gives them a sense of stability no matter where they are.

Tip 2: Talk Through the Practical Stuff – Even more important if you separated

The school run, after-school clubs, and homework time can be tricky to juggle at the best of times. It helps to agree in advance:

• Who’s doing drop-off and pick-up on which days?
• How will school bags and uniforms travel between homes?
• What happens if there’s a school trip, parents’ evening, or after-school event?

Sorting this out before term starts reduces stress and helps children feel supported. Also including children in this decision-making process, if age appropriate can be very empowering for them.

It’s a good idea to have a visual representation of what this looks like. For example: A child friendly calendar on the fridge door, with pic’s/photos. So, if it is your week – have your photo next to the date. If is it football, have a picture/photo of a football, etc.  Having it displayed on a noticeboard in their bedroom, and on the fridge will help reinforce the routine.

For older tweens, they likely to have an app on their phone that will be able to have the different routines. Or they could use their google calendar.

Tip 3: As Separated parents, Keep Each Other in the Loop  

Schools share so much information—letters, emails, reminders. Children shouldn’t have to be the messengers between parents. A quick agreement about how you’ll share updates (whether it’s by email, text, or a shared calendar) makes sure everyone’s included and nothing important slips through the cracks.

It is also a good idea to keep other relevant professional in the loop. In other words, it is a good idea to have a meeting with the school head teacher or the class teacher when school starts and share your children’s routine with them. If there are any court orders and you feel it will benefit your children to share this with their school headteacher, then this may be necessary, particularly if there are safeguarding issues that need to be taken into account.

Furthermore, schools are used to working with separated/divorced parents, hence they will be sensitive to communication and the challenges faced when attending school events, but they will need to be informed of your particular needs as separated parents. By this I mean, that for some separated parents – are fine with attending parent/teacher meetings together, other’s may not be comfortable with this and will need two separate time slots. It is your responsibility as parents to ensure the school knows your specific needs.

Tip 4: Share the Costs and the Shopping, difficult to achieve if separated

Uniforms, shoes, and stationery can add up quickly. Talking through how these expenses will be managed before hitting the shops avoids awkwardness and helps children feel both parents are involved in getting them ready.

Will you have two sets of uniforms for when your children are at the other parent’s home?

It is important to avoid conflict and stay away from blaming each other or worst still your children, when they do not have the necessary uniform at the other parent’s home.

Tip 5: Look After Their Feelings

A new school year can stir up nerves—especially for children who are also adjusting to living between two homes. Listening to their worries, offering reassurance, and showing that both parents are cheering them on makes a significant difference.

Tip 6: Be Flexible

Life doesn’t always go to plan. Illness, last-minute schedule changes, or forgotten PE kits happen! Being willing to adjust when needed shows children that both parents are working together in their best interests.

In Summary

Back-to-school season is a chance for children to feel supported, secure, and ready to take on new challenges. By planning ahead, communicating openly, and keeping their needs front and centre, separated parents can make this transition a positive one.

We believe that even small acts of cooperation between parents can make an enormous difference to a child’s confidence and happiness as they step into a new school year.

If you’re finding it difficult to agree on routines, communication, or school arrangements, you don’t have to navigate it alone. We are here to help with guidance, and support—always with your children’s wellbeing at the heart of the process. Also check us out on Instagram

Wendy Grant

20 August 2025