A Tribute to Parents. My Story
I have always been an adventurer, an optimist, a self-starter with a hardworking, kind, caring spirit. My Mom and Dad were my first role models. They were old school, salt of the earth type of people. Dad was always curious, a fighter for those without a voice and a lifelong learner. Mom was generous to a fault! Mom would take the little she had and share with others. She knew hardship but as her children we were never aware of how little we had. Mom always kept smiling and made sure our childhood was a happy one. The most vulnerable in our local area would seek her help. She was a humble woman, a prayer warrior, she loved unconditionally. She had time for all who needed her.
Our Values
Many moons ago, before I had children and before I came to the United Kingdom, my sister and I had planned to start our own business. We decided to call it Caring Interventions, in honour of our parents. We felt Caring Interventions would capture my Mom’s kind, caring, generous, humble, supportive nature and my Dad’s passion for empowering others and his philosophy of lifelong learning.
No support for Separated and/or Divorced Parents
Fast forward to the year 2017 when I started working at Child and Family Court Advisory Service (CAFCASS). This was my first experience of working in the Family Justice system private law proceedings in the United Kingdom. As a social worker I had worked in Family Justice public law in the United Kingdom since 1997, but private law proceedings was a baptism of fire. It was during the years at Cafcass, being the voice of the child/ren in private law proceedings when I realised there were very few intervention services available for separated and divorced parents. My Dad passed away in 2015 and Mom passed away in 2021 and shortly after I left Cafcass. I left with the desire to start my own business providing support for separated and divorced parents.
Support for separated /divorced parents = Positive outcomes for children
My desire to work with this group was because of my conviction that the majority of the parents I worked with in private law proceedings, were not for lack of a better word “bad” parents. What I saw were parents that were hurting. Parents in pain because of the loss of a marriage, a relationship, a family. I felt sad seeing the pain etched on the faces of parents in the family justice system. I felt sad seeing how their child/ren became embroiled in the inevitable court battle when often it was not about the child/ren at all. I kept wondering if the outcomes for the children would be different if there was support for separated and/or divorced parents
Parental Alienation or not?
When I worked in the Family Justice system hearing parent’s say “I’m being alienated from my child/ren” or “it’s parental alienation” were often used. In my experience it was mostly dad’s who felt this way but not exclusively. I had mom’s expressing the same sentiment. Sometimes the parent, let’s for argument sake say the dad was right, i.e. the child/ren were kept from having contact or having any meaningful relationship with them for no good reason. At other times, the dad was wrong and there were valid reasons for their child/ren refusing to spend time with them. Or valid reasons for the mom having significant safeguarding concerns about the child/ren spending time with their dad. Thankfully, parental alienation cases were not the norm during my tenure in the Family Justice system. It only made up a few cases but it was becoming more prevalent by the time I left.
Separated parents BOTH love their children
What I observed in all private law proceedings is that BOTH parents consistently demonstrated love for their children. Both parents wanted what was best for their child/ren. However each parent looked at the other parent’s, ability to parent through a filter of their own hurt, anger and fears often linked to the ending of their marriage and/or relationship. This tainted how they viewed the other parent’s ability to parent their children and the inevitable court battle pursued! I kept going back to if only there was more support for separated and divorced parents in understanding the issues and navigating the court system, the outcome for all will improve.
COST of acrimonious divorce proceedings
What most parents do not know at the start of private law proceedings/ contact arrangements order (CAO) applications, is that it COSTS a lot more than they anticipate. It costs financially, emotionally, physically, mentally, sometimes even spiritually as you can lose faith in your God, for putting you through the court drama that then becomes a nightmare!
To some extent there is an awareness of the financial costs from the start. What I mean is the court application costs and if you going to get a Solicitor, then this will be a cost. Hence it can be argued that at least some of the financial costs are taken into account at the start of any private law or child contact arrangements proceedings. What I think parents have less aware of is that the financial cost can start escalating very quickly, because the court process takes time. Let me say that again. THE FINANCIAL COSTS ESCALATE VERY QUICKLY BECAUSE THE COURT PROCEEDINGS TAKE TIME. The battle becomes a WAR, and the emotional, physical, psychological costs starts mounting and as we know WAR has no real winners. I may be oversimplifying things here, the point being, the CHILD and PARENTS are not the Winners.
Children are precious and deserve to be loved by both parents
I wish parents could realise this BEFORE they START the court process. I wish they could realise the issue more often than not, is not about the other parent’s ability to safely parent their child/ren but more about the hurt and mistrust of another parent because of the marriage or relationship failure. Truth is, that child/ren you together brought into this world is a precious soul and deserves to be nurtured and loved even if their parents are no longer together. The truth is both parents, provided it is safe to do so, have an important role to play in their child/ren’s life.
Research tells us that ongoing conflict between separated or divorced parents harms children more than the divorce itself. I also believe in the African proverb “It takes a village to raise a child”.
So, when people ask me why Caring Interventions, I tell them my story. I tell them my parents are the inspiration behind Caring Interventions. Their values and principles encapsulate Caring Interventions as a brand. This is what underpins my ethos and drives my service.
by Wendy Grant, May 2025